Marriage is a relationship that is bound to see its best and worst days. Anyone who says they have a perfect married life and have never seen a rough patch is either being untruthful or is new into the relationship.
Marriage, unlike any other relationship, is more of a partnership. No other relationship but marriage demands both the partners to put in equal efforts to make it work. Perhaps the reason behind this is that marriage is the only relationship that is not blood-related—in any way, and this is what makes it all the more difficult, demanding and also beautiful.
A relationship will see some challenging days, it is a given. Sometimes things may even get exhausting to the extent that it becomes difficult to have a discussion. It is in these difficult times that people feel like giving up on this beautiful relationship. And, it is this very time when the relationship needs to be nurtured with love, care, and understanding.
There is no formula or list of rules that can act as a guide for the perfect married life. Similarly, the same things don’t work for everyone. You just need to be patient, understanding, forgiving and loyal to the relationship and things will fall into place. Your mantra should be ‘I have to make it work’ and away will appear.
The key to success in any relationship is being open-minded and positive. However, here are some ways to deal with rough times in married life.
Communicate and express yourself:
This is perhaps the most common first advice given to married couples. Communicating openly, cordially and with love can solve most of your problems. And, it is a lack of communication that is the root cause of most challenges that couples face.
Distance comes between the two partners when they stop communicating. And this takes them further apart. Here are some tips on communicating the right way:
- Communicate about everything. Especially if it is something that has hurt you, let your spouse know. Things get worse when we keep feelings, no matter how small, bottled inside us and more often than not, they burst out in the ugliest ways. This is where problems start.
- If you think you have reached a point where communicating and keeping it pleasant is not possible, try going out in public places to talk. This will help keep your anger levels down.
- Even if you think your spouse has wronged you, you should take charge to make your marriage work, and bring it back on track. For this, try to maintain your calm when you see arguments taking an ugly turn. Try to do this a couple of times and your spouse will realize that you do not want things to get unpleasant.
- Always know that there is a right time to express things. Bringing out past arguments and bottled up hurt at a time when things are already heated up between you two isn’t a wise decision.
- When communicating, give your spouse an equal chance to express himself/ herself. Also, when one partner is saying something, the other should listen without interruption and with full interest. If any of you will give an impression of being disinterested, or annoying things might get pushed further down the disaster path.
- Choose the right words when communicating. It is very important to be careful when your relationship is going through rough times. Anything and everything that is said is received with a negative intensity and the wrong things said at the wrong times are not easily forgotten.
Think of everything that is good and positive in your relationship:
It is natural for a person to focus only on the negatives when your relationship seems to be going downhill. Take a U-turn and think and act in the opposite manner.
Make a list of all the things you love about your spouse. Remember the qualities that made you choose your spouse to be your life partner. He/she definitely had that special spark that made you fall in love with him/her.
Also, write down all the good times you have seen in this relationship. Mention your first date, honeymoon, vacations; everything that made you happy. This will help you see the beauty of your relationship instead of focusing on all that has been going wrong lately.
Think of why you chose to be in this relationship in the first place. Think of all the things you planned to do together. You cannot let some petty issues take away all the blessings of life from you.
Plan to spend time together:
This is what people in love do; they become inseparable. Try to bring those times back into your relationship. Look for ways and activities that can let the two of you spend some quality time together. Find mutual interests. Plan date nights. Love never dies; it just gets faded temporarily and there are numerous ways to rekindle the fire.
Couples going through a rough patch are often advised to go on vacations. This is the best way for them to spend time together and get to know each other all over again. There are yoga retreats all over the world specially designed for couples.
Couples can take up partner yoga classes, which work for marriages that seem to be falling apart. A yoga retreat also gives partners a good chance to break away from routine life and have some stress-free time together.
You both are a team:
You need to learn this and make your spouse learn this too; you two are playing on the same team. Not against each other. And, there is no winner or loser in the relationship. If this relationship works, you both win. If it does not, it will be a loss for both of you.
Choosing to leave your partner in rough times is just like discarding an old thing once it becomes useless to you. Divorce should not be an option in marriage. There are better ways to make things work. You just need to find the ones that work for you.